I've been missing a while. Indeed I have. There was the blow from the exam results. I'd been working hard towards procuring a seat since the past two years but the results were out in the beginning of this month and I didn't make it. I was in a palpable horror cum shock state of mind which mostly paralysed me for days and even weeks on end.

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Do you know how it feels when you are working towards something continuously and then you get a blow. I was unsure of the next step for weeks together. It started with sorrow, morose, lamenting and then eventually led to self doubt; which I have to add is the most dangerous of the four. Somehow it manifested into physical weakness over time and the inactivity of shutting myself away for days did not help much.

Finally, I started to garden more and now I feel better. I am back to the books but I had let myself go again from working out since I kept telling myself that I needed more time to prepare for the exams. This time round, health is back in focus and I will continue to prepare too

Coming week, I will start with light warm ups and then over the period of the next few days as the body begins to adjust, I will start with core exercises and active cardio. It's time to sweat and the summer is also setting in harsh. I will definitely be seen slogging my way. I don't think I can take this lethargy anymore.

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 It is not going to be any easier given that I've done this before and succeeded once. But coming to terms with this fact alone might help me go through the tough bits. The first few weeks are going to be comedy scenes for those who watch me but for me, the struggle is real. It's definitely not a transition I hope to make overnight. I know how this has gone before. It had taken consistency and so much work which I eventually threw down the drain but from that drain I'm determined to emerge once again. I remember checking the weighing scale every single morning back then . I will still do it. It's curiosity. I intend to move forward past all the rage, resentment and powerlessness to build myself something. What that something is I am yet to find out. But here I go again.