I am an adult and there are times I am treated like a child. Well, most of the time. I don't look my age and people think I am in college and there are times when people think I am still in school. Probably on the days that I eat less. Even my parents treat me like an insecure being most of the time. I assure you that I am totally not.
If I go to charge my phone in a power socket, my dad starts panicking like I was a 2 year old who was blissfully going to stick their finger in there and get electrocuted. He seems to have ignored the gain in structure and size over the years, not to mention the rapid development of my grey matter. *sigh*
There are the good sides to it too, they pamper you with affection, sweet treats and the best food but they won't let you out of the house when they come on vacation to stay with you and they impose rules on you that you had to adhere to when you were in your teens. Eghads!!!
Though I thoroughly enjoy all the undue attention, there have been times that people have driven me over the edge. For instance, there are uncles who still chide me for things I don't think are wrong. Everyone has their own personal opinions on certain subject matters. If I tend to opine what I feel, I instantly get struck by some personal insults. I usually do not say anything back, I just sit and listen. Because I was raised to be an obedient child. I have never used harsh words against elders even if I knew they were lying or trying to take advantage of me many a times. So I felt I have to write about some coping mechanisms.
Perhaps, you have gone through similar situations because I know that I am not the only one here. It is common in India to be treated like a child even if you are 50 years old with 4 kids. I am not 50. I don't have kids. But I am just recollecting what I have seen. lol
So how do you cope with it?
If an elderly member of your family is trying to make you feel small and passes a random insult at you or screams their lungs out for apparently no fault of yours, then instead of taking it all in, just look at them like they are the crazy ones. You do not have to say much but by just looking at them like you can't comprehend their behavior itself is enough to shift the emphasis on to them and not the person being tortured. It should be a look of startle and apprehension giving them the message that, 'How much more crazier can you get?' or like, 'You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met'. Don't say it but try to look it. It's quite easy when you are put in the position. It's saves you than making you feel terrible about yourself and that is where they draw out your power from you. In this way you are not carrying the insult on your person. This will make them feel unsettled and make them realize their folly, if they have some common sense. Do not let them feel that they have bothered you, how much ever bothered you really feel. Be calm. Do not stoop their level though you are allowed to crack a joke if you find it befitting the situation.
If you feel like the situation is building up on anger, walk away if you do not want to be absorbed by a lot of negativity. Avoid them as much as possible even if they are trying to irk you.
If you can stand up for yourself, do so but do not stoop to their level and use bad words like they do.
Try to let it go from one ear to the other. They know no better.
If you feel you have a close friend around you who can support you, then speak to them and get around to understanding how to deal with it.
If the person who is insulting you is someone that you really look up to and if he has stated a fact, consider the truth in it. If there is a grain of truth in it and you require the correction, take it. That makes the insult not an insult anymore. It's just a statement of fact. It may prove to be of help to us.
What if they are constantly reminding you that you are worthless and non-existent and such and such?
How can you believe such a statement, in the first place? Do not ever EVER consider even a single grain of truth in that. No one is useless. It is a negative statement and an even more negative belief. Even if someone else has said it, it does not make it true. You can only make that statement true, if you believe in it. So just do not believe it. It's as simple as that. You are NOT worthless. You have to start believing that. There is no other way around it. No one has the right to tell you who you are. You are your own true definition. I keep telling that to everyone and myself. It is a statement I have made for myself from the time I was a child. I have been through years of childhood abuse but whenever I was told that I was as good as dead or why was I ever born, I would tell myself, even at that very young age, 'You are your own true definition'. Perhaps, the higher self must have fed that into me before I was even born but I have always believed in it. I believe in myself. I know no truer human being than me. I am not saying this out of pride. I know who I am so I can say it without a single iota of doubt.
We live in a world full of opinions, the minute you enter a room people are judging you or trying to squeeze out the best from you. No one appreciates a person who is still. Do not get lost in a swirl of negativity, shift your focus and save your self. Keep your heart well guarded and learn to protect oneself from harsh realities. Face it, learn to go with the flow and learn to let things be.
Most importantly, save yourself to be able to save and help others.
If I go to charge my phone in a power socket, my dad starts panicking like I was a 2 year old who was blissfully going to stick their finger in there and get electrocuted. He seems to have ignored the gain in structure and size over the years, not to mention the rapid development of my grey matter. *sigh*
There are the good sides to it too, they pamper you with affection, sweet treats and the best food but they won't let you out of the house when they come on vacation to stay with you and they impose rules on you that you had to adhere to when you were in your teens. Eghads!!!
Though I thoroughly enjoy all the undue attention, there have been times that people have driven me over the edge. For instance, there are uncles who still chide me for things I don't think are wrong. Everyone has their own personal opinions on certain subject matters. If I tend to opine what I feel, I instantly get struck by some personal insults. I usually do not say anything back, I just sit and listen. Because I was raised to be an obedient child. I have never used harsh words against elders even if I knew they were lying or trying to take advantage of me many a times. So I felt I have to write about some coping mechanisms.
Perhaps, you have gone through similar situations because I know that I am not the only one here. It is common in India to be treated like a child even if you are 50 years old with 4 kids. I am not 50. I don't have kids. But I am just recollecting what I have seen. lol
So how do you cope with it?
If an elderly member of your family is trying to make you feel small and passes a random insult at you or screams their lungs out for apparently no fault of yours, then instead of taking it all in, just look at them like they are the crazy ones. You do not have to say much but by just looking at them like you can't comprehend their behavior itself is enough to shift the emphasis on to them and not the person being tortured. It should be a look of startle and apprehension giving them the message that, 'How much more crazier can you get?' or like, 'You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met'. Don't say it but try to look it. It's quite easy when you are put in the position. It's saves you than making you feel terrible about yourself and that is where they draw out your power from you. In this way you are not carrying the insult on your person. This will make them feel unsettled and make them realize their folly, if they have some common sense. Do not let them feel that they have bothered you, how much ever bothered you really feel. Be calm. Do not stoop their level though you are allowed to crack a joke if you find it befitting the situation.
If you feel like the situation is building up on anger, walk away if you do not want to be absorbed by a lot of negativity. Avoid them as much as possible even if they are trying to irk you.
If you can stand up for yourself, do so but do not stoop to their level and use bad words like they do.
Try to let it go from one ear to the other. They know no better.
If you feel you have a close friend around you who can support you, then speak to them and get around to understanding how to deal with it.
If the person who is insulting you is someone that you really look up to and if he has stated a fact, consider the truth in it. If there is a grain of truth in it and you require the correction, take it. That makes the insult not an insult anymore. It's just a statement of fact. It may prove to be of help to us.
What if they are constantly reminding you that you are worthless and non-existent and such and such?
How can you believe such a statement, in the first place? Do not ever EVER consider even a single grain of truth in that. No one is useless. It is a negative statement and an even more negative belief. Even if someone else has said it, it does not make it true. You can only make that statement true, if you believe in it. So just do not believe it. It's as simple as that. You are NOT worthless. You have to start believing that. There is no other way around it. No one has the right to tell you who you are. You are your own true definition. I keep telling that to everyone and myself. It is a statement I have made for myself from the time I was a child. I have been through years of childhood abuse but whenever I was told that I was as good as dead or why was I ever born, I would tell myself, even at that very young age, 'You are your own true definition'. Perhaps, the higher self must have fed that into me before I was even born but I have always believed in it. I believe in myself. I know no truer human being than me. I am not saying this out of pride. I know who I am so I can say it without a single iota of doubt.
We live in a world full of opinions, the minute you enter a room people are judging you or trying to squeeze out the best from you. No one appreciates a person who is still. Do not get lost in a swirl of negativity, shift your focus and save your self. Keep your heart well guarded and learn to protect oneself from harsh realities. Face it, learn to go with the flow and learn to let things be.
Most importantly, save yourself to be able to save and help others.
Published by coralcrue
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