Coral Crue

Indian Beauty and Lifestyle blogger

Monday, July 21, 2014

Emotional Blackmail: How to recognize and deal with it

Image by ©Coral Crue

     Most of us have been subject to emotional blackmail and majority of us practise the same with people who are close to us.
Why do we do this or get subjected to it? 
Usually it is the blackmailer's way of getting things done to suit oneself.
It may involve keeping in mind the other person's best interest or at least that is what the pressurizer feels maybe so.
At other times, they are just doing it out of being plain selfish and to suit one's own interest.

       The person subject to it will not gain anything from it.
It's like a cage that is built around the victim but an invisible one.
You feel this choking hold on your throat and terrible uneasiness that you can't seem to get rid of. When you find yourself subjected to it in more serious forms, there may also be the use of an embarassing 
amount of extremely personal and private information collected against your will. These forms of emotional torture can be extremely harmful and also 
lead to dangerous consequences. It's best not practised or allowed.

      I have seen many people employing it and had to face it myself. So here are some things that I have done to avoid being in a situation like this and hope this will help someone who is having trouble with it.

      Always recognize what the other person is trying to tell you, if it makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, do not accept it. You have to put your foot down.
By that I mean, let them know directly and in person that you do not appreciate what they are saying and tell them directly how it makes you feel. That you do not accept their approach to make you feel guilty is what you need to communicate to them.
If they still continue to pressurize you, give them a stern warning and leave.

      In some instances, you are promised something if you cave in to their requests and the end of the request being completed duly by you, the promise is not upheld.
You feel cheated. When you confront them, they lie point blank saying they never ever promised you anything in return for your sacrifice.
Never ever expect anything of anyone, do what you need to do knowing well that you are okay doing it.
Those who want something from you, will never tell you directly what they want. They will scheme and plot, getting what they want indirectly from you.
You may not even be aware when something is taken away from you. Including your freedom, which is the most important thing.

      Usually your manipulator will know everything about you including your trigger points. They will make you feel guilty even if you are not.
They will play their role of being a victim very well. One thing to look out for in someone who is playing the victim is, while they describe 
what they are going through as a victim, they are not suffering or in any pain. They will be able to mask it so well that you may not even know that they are not hurt or upset. You need to be able to recognize when someone is just taking your case.
In such a case, let them know that you are very confident in their ability to take care of their problem out themselves and leave them at that.
Do not try to get involved. It is not your problem, no matter who the person is. Their response to this would be your gauge to understand how far their issue is true.

      If there are more than one manipulator involved, please note that the person who is scheming the whole plot, the mastermind, will be working behind the scenes employing various amount of people to talk to you regarding it. You will never hear directly from them and may even be surprised if you ever found out who was making you feel guilty. They truly are master players and deceivers at best. Be wary. If you get a sudden phone call from someone who you haven't heard in long and asking you for personal favours or trying to discuss personal issues with you, keep one eyebrow raised and your mind alert.
Do not lose trust in people, I am not hinting at that. I am just talking about people who are really good at their game.

   Let me take the example of the Indian marriage scenario. You reach a certain age of 'ripening'. In some cases, parents think their kids are ready to marry the minute they hit puberty. From then on, they start their bullshit of, 'Oh! We are getting old, Dad is going to eventually have a heart attack, before which it would be the dream of his lifetime to see you married off and have ten kids before he closes his eyes. Ofcourse, mom will follow suit with cancer and so will naana, naani, your brother and the entire Khandaan. So just please marry this two legged creature who WE will select for you. He makes a shit load of money enough to take care of us all too.' Wait...I just remembered a classic one,'Who will look after you after we die?' lol there are so many more. I think I will have to write a seperate post just to highlight this point.
Of course, that's not how it will be played out to you. But it's pretty close and you get the picture.

       If you dare not adhere to their rules and structured scheme of things, then you will be called Selfish, Uncouth, Uncaring, the choicest superior slang in your mother tongue and ,finally, 'Are you impotent?'

        These are all coming from real-life experiences, so pay heed. Do not feel obligated to prove anything to anyone, even if they call you 'impotent'. That's like hitting way below the belt but trust what you feel is right and walk away from the Drama because behold! there will be way more action than the drama serials you get to witness these very people tuning into their tellies...to relax.

          I've seen people manipulate their own childen so terribly that they take them back to an imagined childhood before they were even born and decribing vividly how 30 years ago against much struggle they raised them into this world, to care for the parents in their old age. Ofcourse!! *rolls eyes*
With no money, no clothes, no food and what not. Lol It gets so ridiculous to a point that you are not sure what is reality anymore. Do not get engrossed in such tactics. Step away and say drama is not appreciated.

How to save yourself from Emotional Manipulation?

    Do not let an emotional manipulator near you. Do not give them your precious time.

Release yourself from the guilt and clutches of such a poor relationship.
I recently had to let go of one of my dear friends because I identified her as an emotional 
stressor for me. It was a childhood friend so I felt very guilty but a few weeks after, I felt very good of releasing her.

    If the stressor is a part of your family and you can't avoid them or release them, then help where you can but not to the point of guilt.

And let them know that what they are expecting of you, is not possible of you.

     If you are an emotional manipulator, yourself, and you have identified it. Get help!! Quick!!!Before you lose what is dear to you.


      Do not bleed for someone else's fear. You are only going to encourage it more.


     If you cannot get way from the situation of your life being played out by a manipulator, confide in someone who you can trust and is not connected in anyway to the situation. They will be able to offer a better perspective.


To conclude, I hope none of you get sucked into such a situation. Stay safe and happy at all times. Live the life you want to live.

Peace out 







                        

Friday, July 18, 2014

Zoutons : Website Review

Snaodeal Coupons
Zoutons


While recently browsing for a flip case for my mobile online , I decided to bag a few deals, which is when I remembered to use coupons!
Using coupons is a relatively new deal for me but it definitely bags me, or anyone for that matter, a great amount of savings on their online purchases.
Zoutons is a new player in the coupons website race.Though they are new, they are already popular among several users.

Their website preface is clean and fresh. When you log on to zoutons.com, you are greeted by a lovely green interface which provides for a well organized and smooth browsing experience.
The layout is simple to use along with a easy interactive format.

Snapdeal Banner
Zoutons

Whilst on the homepage you are immediately greeted with graphics of their ongoing deals and sales.
The coupons offered range from huge brands and popular online websites. Myntra, Flipkart, Amazon, Jabong, Ebay, Snapdeal, GoIbibo are to name a few.
You can also avail discounts from popular brands some of which are listed below

nikoncatwalk-logoPampers-LogoSony couponsRay-BanUnited Colors Of Benetton couponshostgatormotologitechnuby
adidas couponsApple couponsPepe jeans London couponsAurelia couponsMaybeline couponsBata couponsginimiltonvanheusen logoconverse
lavachiccopepe_jeans_logo_3231merchantlogo_sia-art-jewellerysialogocitizentoshibamaxima-logoplay boy brandredtape logochhota bheemJ


There are featured popular coupons and popular stores on the main page along with tabs for top categories, stores, brands and BANKS!                        
Now what are banks doing on this list? Even I was curious as to what that was. On further investigation, I understood that there is a tab for Banks that offer coupons.
You click on a particular bank of your choice and you get to see that the bank releases offers on their card and shopping vouchers for it's clients. Zouton's offers exclusive coupon codes for certain banks and also provides information on stores and brands running with that particular bank discount and deals. It can also offer a discount of say 6% off on payment through net banking. How cool is that? Shop some more, then? :)
I think this is the only website to offer such a cool discount code on Banks. This has to be their 'special feature'.
I like that Zoutons really has something new to offer us customers.

When you land on the home page, you also have an option to use their Search Engine to easily navigate and find specific deals by typing in your options.

Another special feature of Zoutons is that customers can submit their own coupons which helps others visiting the website to be aware of new coupons and deals.

How do you use a coupon on Zoutons?

*Go through the deals and offers of the day. 
*When you have chosen a deal, click to activate the code. 
*After activation, you are immediately led to the website you have clicked on for the code and your coupon is automatically pasted on your clipboard.
*Select the items you want to your cart and paste the coupon code when you checkout.
*That's it, you have gotten yourself a deal and you can smile all the way or possibly even brag to your family on how you saved money while sitting at home and shopping.

How cool is that?

Another plus point is you can save on your travel expenditure by using Zoutons.com before booking a flight. Sheer joy!

Myntra Coupon
Since this is a relatively new website, one can only expect an even better experience in the days to come.

A little bit more about the portal -

Zoutons.com was founded by Nishit Kumar and Sahil Chalana. This is one of the exclusive coupon portals to offer Bank Coupons in India.
The website keeps up with regular updates, stores offering good deals ranging from a wide variety of coupons and keeps the customer up-to-date with new deals and discounts.

They have an attractive and catchy tagline - "The Loot is On"
which ensures a smile of satisfaction on every happy shopper's face.
Zoutons
Currently I am updating my wardrobe by using coupons for MyntraPepperfry and Flipkart 
Do check out these sites if you would like to avail some active deals. 

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