Coping with an impatient world
I am an adult and there are times I am treated like a child. Well, most of the time. I don't look my age and people think I am in college and there are times when people think I am still in school. Probably on the days that I eat less. Even my parents treat me like an insecure being most of the time. I assure you that I am totally not.
If I go to charge my phone in a power socket, my dad starts panicking like I was a 2 year old who was blissfully going to stick their finger in there and get electrocuted. He seems to have ignored the gain in structure and size over the years, not to mention the rapid development of my grey matter. *sigh*
There are the good sides to it too, they pamper you with affection, sweet treats and the best food but they won't let you out of the house when they come on vacation to stay with you and they impose rules on you that you had to adhere to when you were in your teens. Eghads!!!
Though I thoroughly enjoy all the undue attention, there have been times that people have driven me over the edge. For instance, there are uncles who still chide me for things I don't think are wrong. Everyone has their own personal opinions on certain subject matters. If I tend to opine what I feel, I instantly get struck by some personal insults. I usually do not say anything back, I just sit and listen. Because I was raised to be an obedient child. I have never used harsh words against elders even if I knew they were lying or trying to take advantage of me many a times. So I felt I have to write about some coping mechanisms.
Perhaps, you have gone through similar situations because I know that I am not the only one here. It is common in India to be treated like a child even if you are 50 years old with 4 kids. I am not 50. I don't have kids. But I am just recollecting what I have seen. lol
So how do you cope with it?
If an elderly member of your family is trying to make you feel small and passes a random insult at you or screams their lungs out for apparently no fault of yours, then instead of taking it all in, just look at them like they are the crazy ones. You do not have to say much but by just looking at them like you can't comprehend their behavior itself is enough to shift the emphasis on to them and not the person being tortured. It should be a look of startle and apprehension giving them the message that, 'How much more crazier can you get?' or like, 'You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met'. Don't say it but try to look it. It's quite easy when you are put in the position. It's saves you than making you feel terrible about yourself and that is where they draw out your power from you. In this way you are not carrying the insult on your person. This will make them feel unsettled and make them realize their folly, if they have some common sense. Do not let them feel that they have bothered you, how much ever bothered you really feel. Be calm. Do not stoop their level though you are allowed to crack a joke if you find it befitting the situation.
If you feel like the situation is building up on anger, walk away if you do not want to be absorbed by a lot of negativity. Avoid them as much as possible even if they are trying to irk you.
If you can stand up for yourself, do so but do not stoop to their level and use bad words like they do.
Try to let it go from one ear to the other. They know no better.
If you feel you have a close friend around you who can support you, then speak to them and get around to understanding how to deal with it.
If the person who is insulting you is someone that you really look up to and if he has stated a fact, consider the truth in it. If there is a grain of truth in it and you require the correction, take it. That makes the insult not an insult anymore. It's just a statement of fact. It may prove to be of help to us.
What if they are constantly reminding you that you are worthless and non-existent and such and such?
How can you believe such a statement, in the first place? Do not ever EVER consider even a single grain of truth in that. No one is useless. It is a negative statement and an even more negative belief. Even if someone else has said it, it does not make it true. You can only make that statement true, if you believe in it. So just do not believe it. It's as simple as that. You are NOT worthless. You have to start believing that. There is no other way around it. No one has the right to tell you who you are. You are your own true definition. I keep telling that to everyone and myself. It is a statement I have made for myself from the time I was a child. I have been through years of childhood abuse but whenever I was told that I was as good as dead or why was I ever born, I would tell myself, even at that very young age, 'You are your own true definition'. Perhaps, the higher self must have fed that into me before I was even born but I have always believed in it. I believe in myself. I know no truer human being than me. I am not saying this out of pride. I know who I am so I can say it without a single iota of doubt.
We live in a world full of opinions, the minute you enter a room people are judging you or trying to squeeze out the best from you. No one appreciates a person who is still. Do not get lost in a swirl of negativity, shift your focus and save your self. Keep your heart well guarded and learn to protect oneself from harsh realities. Face it, learn to go with the flow and learn to let things be.
Most importantly, save yourself to be able to save and help others.
If I go to charge my phone in a power socket, my dad starts panicking like I was a 2 year old who was blissfully going to stick their finger in there and get electrocuted. He seems to have ignored the gain in structure and size over the years, not to mention the rapid development of my grey matter. *sigh*
There are the good sides to it too, they pamper you with affection, sweet treats and the best food but they won't let you out of the house when they come on vacation to stay with you and they impose rules on you that you had to adhere to when you were in your teens. Eghads!!!
Though I thoroughly enjoy all the undue attention, there have been times that people have driven me over the edge. For instance, there are uncles who still chide me for things I don't think are wrong. Everyone has their own personal opinions on certain subject matters. If I tend to opine what I feel, I instantly get struck by some personal insults. I usually do not say anything back, I just sit and listen. Because I was raised to be an obedient child. I have never used harsh words against elders even if I knew they were lying or trying to take advantage of me many a times. So I felt I have to write about some coping mechanisms.
Perhaps, you have gone through similar situations because I know that I am not the only one here. It is common in India to be treated like a child even if you are 50 years old with 4 kids. I am not 50. I don't have kids. But I am just recollecting what I have seen. lol
So how do you cope with it?
If an elderly member of your family is trying to make you feel small and passes a random insult at you or screams their lungs out for apparently no fault of yours, then instead of taking it all in, just look at them like they are the crazy ones. You do not have to say much but by just looking at them like you can't comprehend their behavior itself is enough to shift the emphasis on to them and not the person being tortured. It should be a look of startle and apprehension giving them the message that, 'How much more crazier can you get?' or like, 'You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met'. Don't say it but try to look it. It's quite easy when you are put in the position. It's saves you than making you feel terrible about yourself and that is where they draw out your power from you. In this way you are not carrying the insult on your person. This will make them feel unsettled and make them realize their folly, if they have some common sense. Do not let them feel that they have bothered you, how much ever bothered you really feel. Be calm. Do not stoop their level though you are allowed to crack a joke if you find it befitting the situation.
If you feel like the situation is building up on anger, walk away if you do not want to be absorbed by a lot of negativity. Avoid them as much as possible even if they are trying to irk you.
If you can stand up for yourself, do so but do not stoop to their level and use bad words like they do.
Try to let it go from one ear to the other. They know no better.
If you feel you have a close friend around you who can support you, then speak to them and get around to understanding how to deal with it.
If the person who is insulting you is someone that you really look up to and if he has stated a fact, consider the truth in it. If there is a grain of truth in it and you require the correction, take it. That makes the insult not an insult anymore. It's just a statement of fact. It may prove to be of help to us.
What if they are constantly reminding you that you are worthless and non-existent and such and such?
How can you believe such a statement, in the first place? Do not ever EVER consider even a single grain of truth in that. No one is useless. It is a negative statement and an even more negative belief. Even if someone else has said it, it does not make it true. You can only make that statement true, if you believe in it. So just do not believe it. It's as simple as that. You are NOT worthless. You have to start believing that. There is no other way around it. No one has the right to tell you who you are. You are your own true definition. I keep telling that to everyone and myself. It is a statement I have made for myself from the time I was a child. I have been through years of childhood abuse but whenever I was told that I was as good as dead or why was I ever born, I would tell myself, even at that very young age, 'You are your own true definition'. Perhaps, the higher self must have fed that into me before I was even born but I have always believed in it. I believe in myself. I know no truer human being than me. I am not saying this out of pride. I know who I am so I can say it without a single iota of doubt.
We live in a world full of opinions, the minute you enter a room people are judging you or trying to squeeze out the best from you. No one appreciates a person who is still. Do not get lost in a swirl of negativity, shift your focus and save your self. Keep your heart well guarded and learn to protect oneself from harsh realities. Face it, learn to go with the flow and learn to let things be.
Most importantly, save yourself to be able to save and help others.
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Emotional Health
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10 comments
Very well written Pras! I guess most of us have gone through this special treatment.. It's better we ignore them and move on.. I always take it as a learning experience :) loved the article <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, my dear Rekha :) It's a definite learning experience. Each relationship we are dealing with, is. Glad you liked it :) <3
DeleteI am so glad I found this article. I know exactly what you mean for I have a lot of people in my life who insist on telling me everything that's wrong with me. I cope with it by just letting them rant, ignore, or walk away. Poor husband bears the brunt of it for I use him as a sounding board and get all pent up feelings out. I just don't know why people can't be a little mature in their behaviour and treat others, even if you consider them kids, with respect. Your article is beautiful and I love the handy tips you have given. definitely trying the "you are crazy and I know it" look next.
ReplyDeleteHi Pallavi. Thank you for your views. I have been through decades of people just going off on me too. Most of the time, I've realized that it's because they know I maintain my peace and don't voice out my opinions. I have had my own dear ones hurling all kinds of abuses, negating my strong beliefs and making me feel like I am the one who is crazy. But after taking a step back and reflecting on their rants, I've understood this- Most of the time people feel happy by making the other person feel down. I have seen this with my family. When it comes to their frustrations and their lack of whatever it is they lack, they will go to any level to put you down, but they only appear smaller in the process -to me. I've learnt to successfully maintain my distances with them now and they know that even if they do get away with sounding off on me, they still can't really get to me. Because I do let them know in a subtle way that they are really crazy. You sound like a very dignified and soft-hearted soul. It's really sweet of you to endure those who are torturing you but you know what, they will just go on and on. Best it to give them the 'you are crazy and I know it' look and walk away from things that don't seem right to you. Also, try to keep from using the poor husband as a sounding board, I know because I've done it too :) You can definitely talk things out with him but try to first see for yourself in that moment when the perpetrator is abusing you, how ridiculous they actually are. When they are pointing fingers at you, point it at them in that moment and see how things change. You will discover a whole new world of peace. Embrace it and feel light. And big hugs out to you for being so full of light. <3
DeleteI loved going through your post. Harsh truth but seriously, people these days find faults like they are getting cash for it. They use your weakness to their advantage, judge for every minute thing and then, act like as if we are the crazy ones. Treat them their way and they feel surprised.
ReplyDeleteI'm someone who feels things deeply. While there are good sides to it, there are bad sides as well. I still wonder if having a soft heart in this cruel world is a boon or bane.
Thank you, Heena. It's so assuring to know that there are people out there who have really soft hearts and would not try to hurt others. I rarely come across people like that any more. It's terribly hard to live with constant judgement and being scrutinized to see if you fit a certain category or set of people. And also, very disappointing.
DeleteYou always write the truth and u do a great job at it.. very true that we are treated as kids however old we get.. now i usually if it is someone older than me or younger I do give back to the person coz m mature enough to know what is good for me.. In situations i cant handle like u suggested I walk away frm that place.. u are constantly judged and criticized nw a days fr every damn thing u need to stand up fr urself be strong and speak up when necessary is what my personal experience says !!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Natasha. Your comments add great value to my posts. I try to write about what I strongly feel about. I find dealing with relationships slightly tricky for the same reasons I've mentioned above. It makes me ponder over to where our world is headed. I did not find such a hard time when I was younger but now, it's quite a far cry from those peaceful days. Things seem way too complex and layered now. Your suggestions show that you are very honest and to the point, it's good to let people know that they can't mess with you. Bravo!
DeleteWow!. What a well written post!. The first paragraphs are written so humorously. My father does things like that too!. Even when I am peeling a mango :P. I love the ways you have explained to cope with the situation.. Love it ♡
ReplyDeleteThanks, Naz. I remember I had written this post when I was having a tough week. Just though it would prove really useful for anyone else who falls into the same situation from time to time. I know most Indian kids have to go through this with their parents. Lol when you are peeling a mango hahahaha I know!! my dad does that too :P Thanks so much for appreciating my advice here.
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