My mechanism of surviving as a highly sensitive person- So far


Protecting yourself requires a certain set of skills. When you are born, you have your parents take care of you, nurture you, shelter you and nurse your wounds. Some of your close family may also shield you as you start growing up, say your sisters, brothers, uncles and friends.
As time passes on, if you have been brought up living in a shell, a highly protected one with security radars that are switched on 24 hours, you tend not to understand certain kinds of people and situations. The ones that call others names, degrade or try to run people down and such.
Slowly as you are released to the world, your outer shell giving away, it may certainly give you a positive jerk. Before you can get a foot hold of the ground, you will find yourself hurtled through galaxies of experiences far away from what you thought was home and no earth to support you.
By then it's usually way too late for the shell to cover you up again. Too much damage too soon. Resuscitation services yielding nothing.That's kind of what my situation was. And sometimes, still is. Though I think I have gone through a lot, I still know that I have much more to learn.
I used to keep telling my colleagues that when I was a child, I had nerves made of steel, I could not cry and I would not even if something was hurtful. Inside my shell, there were hurtful things happen to me too but the harm came from only the inside, never from the external world. But now that I have passed through years of torment, exposure and the external environment, as have you all, it's safe to say that I am eternally wounded.

With no coping skills or incapable comprehension levels, what was a 17 year old to do at the time.

Nothing much, I'd say. Just moved on from one experience to the next. But my visual memory of those teen years was particularly exceptional, almost par with photographic memory. So hurt and abuse would just stay impacted in my visual memory field for a very long time to come. Eventually, even more experiences positive and negative would overlap and take over the visual images of the previous ones.

As time passed, accumulation just dealt a severe blow to the immune system and one day, I collapsed. Physically, not even emotionally. I found myself in the emergency ward of a hospital and blacked out with regular intervals of time.
The doctors quickly scanned my X-rays and passed a diagnosis that was absurd to me, I'd never been that ill in my life.

Six months later, I had started to recover. Till then I was bed-ridden with a mind full of doubts. There was even one night, that I even thought that I was dying because I was unable to breathe. It was such a scary experience. And only I could help myself, if there was any way to be helped. I just did the only thing I could do. Deep breaths in and out, very slowly. It gave me time to think. It also broke me completely from the inside. Only because I was in bed with nothing else to do or create overlaps of the painful experiences I had till then. Everything kept repeating in my head.

Slowly, I started to become emotionally vulnerable, the tears that never appeared before made a guest appearance. More often than I needed it to be.
I am talking about something that happened a very long time ago. This is just a sequence of events that's leading to the living, breathing person that I am today.

After recovery, I started to search. Not for doctors or hospitals. But for meaning to life.
If you keep searching, they said you will reach some form of understanding. It's been many more years after and what I have learnt so far is the more you search, the more you dig a tunnel. It seems to be a blind tunnel because it's so dark and so expansive. Sometimes there are moments of light. But it's so easy to lose the light. People come in and make you stray far away from the path with their own experiences. I've learnt following someone else will not take me where I need to go. The path is always different.

Finally, after all of this what has helped me survive is acceptance. Not defeat, just acceptance helps you to overcome pain, hurt, losing love and also finding how beautiful life really is. A new day.
My mechanism of taking care of my sensitive nature now is to stay away from loud noises, loud people ,which also lead to removing childhood friends who were extremely nasty(even meant severing a 28 year old friendship), doing what I think I am capable of doing, pushing my limits to do somethings I think I can do, trying to eat natural food and getting a good night of sleep.

The thing about people you love is that sometimes they can get aggressive, they lose it, they sling mud all over you, they kick you and they throw you out of their lives forever. These are the ones that you need to be careful about because they are already in your heart. I have learnt that lesson the hard way. But life is very interesting and I have received so much love from strangers :) God bless their souls.

 I have my my own shell now. I do not need anyone else to support it or take care of it. I experience what I need to experience and I have started to build my own survival mechanism. I am happy, I work hard and I live a very good life. I feel taken care of. There is no recipe for survival as a highly sensitive person. You need to take care of your diet, your surroundings, check what's required and what's not, delete, re-use, get rid of the clutter and just get some rest. Also, a very important lesson, if there is one thing you get to take away from this post- No one can make you do anything YOU do not want to do.

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18 comments

  1. hey Coral. ummm...there are so many things I would like to say and ask now but of course I know it is stupid and even more hurtful even if I would I have been your best friend. it is so incomprehensible to even understand what the other person would be feeling that I think pity and sympathy are emotions best left alone. but, yeah, I can say that even I ask the same question - day in day out. the meaning of life and probably searching the answer to this question is the journey. yup, as you say acceptance and dealing with what we have is the best way to make out of any situation and there have been so many in which I have fought back to change or avoid the situation but nothing matters. the only thing which matters is doing our best to cope with it and not avoiding it or running away from it.

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    1. Hi Swati :) You are right, even when I talk to someone I come to understand that sympathy usually never helps anyone. It just keeps taking you back to the start. As you have said, nothing matters. Only the self matters and how you take yourself and your life forward. Sometimes, there are instances where you can't see beyond a certain point. I've felt in such situations, we feel that way. In reality, all one needs to do is place one smell step forward and then the next step. After a while, you see that you have covered a lot of distance and eventually, time passes on. So they say, this too shall pass. :) I just felt like writing about a myriad of things suddenly and this post came by. I was not sure if I wanted to put it up but then I felt I needed to chat. I like talking about things and experiences. Having been brought up with fairy tales throughout childhood, one just tends to assume that life is also a fairy-tale but the endings and the middle of the plot is never the same. Need to take it all with a pinch of salt. I really appreciate your thoughts.

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    2. its always good to read such real stuff coral and once in a while it does help keep everyone grounded :)

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    3. Thanks, Swati. Maybe I could try to chat more in future posts about thoughts that keep niggling in my head. :)

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  2. very motivating post....its really difficult to survive in the world of cruel and diplomatic ppl...i loved how u presented this post!

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    1. Thank you for reading, Rachna. It definitely is a little hard to figure people out these days.

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  3. I am so sorry you had to go through such bitter experiences but i feel ignoring such people and situations is the only thing to make yourself calm. I totally loved your last line <3

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    1. Megha, it's true what you say. Have to ignore somehow. It's very hard though but ultimately we have to do it. Thanks so much :)

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  4. much respect for you and this emotional Post! I am happy that you feel great now and love your Life <3
    My English is not really good ,i hope you understand what i want to say :)

    much love from Vienna ,kisses

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    1. thank you :) Yes, I've always loved life. There's nothing more beautiful. <3 Your english is really good to me :) lots of love and kisses

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  5. I think I can relate. Although I did not get pushed so far, as a kid, I remember always remaining unmoved by bullying and selfishness of friends and people and the extent they would go out to hurt for no reason. I thought I was getting past, and no, it seems, I remember more than I care to, rather, I remember almost everything. You are right, at the cost of sounding cynical, most people tend to exploit , be it a friend or sometimes even inside the family. It took me time to believe it, yet, it hit me pretty hard.

    My nature is such that when people are even being intentionally hurtful, even if I know how to hit back, I keep quiet and tell myself it's not worth it. But that does not ease the pain. Now I have learned to just remove myself from such situations and stay away from such people. I have simply started pushing them away.

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    1. Wow! I really admire that. I wish I could also remain unmoved by all the cruelties around me. But i am unable to bear it. Yes, it does hit home pretty hard. And it's one of those really raw moments in one's life. The pain, the reality of it all. Your way to deal with it is the best way, I feel. It's even harder and not worth getting entangled in it at all. Thanks, Nivedita :)

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  6. Such an intense post.... kudos for writing about it.... this post is much needed for me right now... thanks :)

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    1. Thanks, Sindhu, I do find the world gets too strong at times,

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  7. Hi dear Coral
    Very heartfelt post that is. Remember one thing that no one can hurt you or embarrass you without your permission, which also means that do not give that control to anybody. M still learning how to achieve that but you can start with having nil expectations from people. Be it even your parents or spouse. That rids you of a major chunk of negativity.

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    1. Riya, thank you so much. You are right, we can't give away our souls to all those mean people out there. Unfortunately, sometimes the mean people happen to be our own loved ones. I do expect nothing from anyone now. It's best to live a quite and still life than one filled with sorrows from people who stomp on your heart.

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  8. Really heart touching post! I am a very sensitive person myself and childhood and teenage has been difficult for me. It took time to heal and grow out of it and guess I am still learning! I support your views whole heartedly! Keep it up strong girl! No one can make you do anything YOU do not want to do!!

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    1. So many of us seem to have gone through such torments in life. It's heartening to hear everyone's stories in here.

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